Two headlines about young people with cerebral palsy caught my eye last week:
The first, from Today.com, is about Courtney Tharp, a pretty 17-year-old in Waverly, Iowa named Homecoming Queen. "She's here every day, she's excited, she's energetic," the Associate Principal of Waverly-Shell Rock High School gushed. Homecoming King and friend Kaleb Staack said, "She comes to school every day with a big smile on her face. She is happy 110 percent of the time. She loves life, and she makes the best out of everything...."
The second headline, from BuzzFeed, is about hottie RJ Mitte, who plays the son of a meth dealer on Breaking Bad. There's not a single mention of his CP until the comments section. One woman wrote, "I've got mild cerebral palsy myself (spastic ataxia hemiplegia, left side) and I am very, very happy that he is so well received—people with disabilities tend to have a hard enough time being accepted and understood. I love you, RJ Mitte and the people who cast you."
It's awesome that Courtney got to be Homecoming Queen, something that likely wouldn't have happened decades ago. It's become somewhat of a trend for teens with disabilities to be named homecoming queen and king (and prom queen and king); the headlines crop up on my Google feed. As Courtney's mom noted, "Kids with special needs are not segregated like they used to be." But with descriptions of her daughter as always happy and a headline proclaiming "She loves life" this might as well be the 1950s, when the best thing most people could say about a person with special needs was how pleasant and happy they were.
Back when I had Max, an elderly relative told me that Max smiled a lot because he was "simple-minded." Not meaning to be insulting, this person was articulating an old-fashioned perception. The comment hurt. But more hurtful is the impact on Max and kids like him, who have to contend with marginalizing stereotypes—yet one more challenge for them to overcome. I still get a lot of "Awww, he's so happy!" comments about Max.
I'm not trying to be a killjoy here. People obviously mean well. I just think it's important for us to be aware of how society talks about those with special needs, and the stereotypes that are perpetuated in the process. Think about it: When so-called typical teens win the title of homecoming queen, do newspapers usually describe them as "happy"? No. There is an inherent prejudice in using this as the defining trait of someone with disabilities, as if it is amazing that teens with special needs are happy to be alive despite their (tragic) special needs.
I don't doubt that Courtney Tharp is a cheerful young woman. Max is the same, and I'm grateful for it. But I wouldn't want people to solely define him by his happiness, because that's just one aspect of who he is. As parents of kids with CP, Down syndrome and other special needs, we know full well that our kids have talents, interests, strengths, weaknesses, many moods and multidimensional personalities, like any kids. Our kids are not happy 110 percent of the time because that would mean they aren't actually human. And if you do not believe me I will gladly send Max your way upon his next screechfest.
It takes more of an effort to get to know kids with special needs. Yet if their peers did, they'd find kids who are so much more than happy. It would help, too, if the media quit playing into the stereotypes. Buzzfeed described RJ Mitte as a "young George Clooney." It gushed over his smile, how he looks in glasses, the guy's chest hair. It treated RJ Mitte like any other hot celeb—exactly what he deserves.
Image of RJ Mitte: Flickr/Gage Skidmore; Image of Courtney Tharp, NBC News video screen-grab
It takes more of an effort to get to know kids with special needs. Yet if their peers did, they'd find kids who are so much more than happy. It would help, too, if the media quit playing into the stereotypes. Buzzfeed described RJ Mitte as a "young George Clooney." It gushed over his smile, how he looks in glasses, the guy's chest hair. It treated RJ Mitte like any other hot celeb—exactly what he deserves.
Image of RJ Mitte: Flickr/Gage Skidmore; Image of Courtney Tharp, NBC News video screen-grab
