This is the latest post in the This Is How I Do It series, which features bloggers who have kids with special needs and their best tips for juggling parenthood, special needs and life in general.
Her child: Tucker, 4, who has autism spectrum disorder, speech and language delay (possible dyspraxia), social/emotional delays and sensory issues.
My three biggest secrets to sanity are…
Finding in-real-life friends in similar situations. The camaraderie I feel with parents from Tucker’s PAC (preschool autism classroom) has been life and attitude changing. Bloggers. Moms. Worriers. Warriors. Supporters. People who get it. Community. Remembering that I am me and that I have a voice and a soul that exist outside of my son and his needs.
I keep track of my child’s therapy and medical appointments by…
We’re blessed that so much of Tucker’s therapy happens during his long school days. For his other appointments, I find iPhone calendar alerts to be extremely helpful. I love that I can set the alerts to remind me multiple times of each appointment.
One way I relax (actually really, really relax) is…
Just this week, I treated myself to a haircut and highlights and realized how much I miss spending an occasional three hours at a chi-chi salon having a wonderfully talented man make me feel pretty. Before becoming a mom, this was a quarterly routine. Since Tucker was born, it’s one I’ve skipped and have vowed to stop skipping. In fact, after my appointment, I immediately booked another for three months from now.
When I get bummed out about something related to my child, one thing that gives me a lift is…
Knowing how lucky we are. Reminding myself that there are mothers who have had to say forever goodbyes. Appreciating the moments. Focusing not on Tucker being unable to say his name and instead on the fact that he wants to. The progress.
If it weren’t for [fill in the blank], I am not sure I would be able to get through the day
Goofiness. Laughter. Snuggles. Unsubscribing from every parenting milestone email I signed up for when my baby was born.
The way my husband and I split up responsibilities for caring for our child is…
I paused my career about four minutes after Tucker was born and have only recently gone back to work part-time, so most of the responsibility has been mine. Sometimes, for us, splitting the responsibilities has meant recognizing when the other (usually me) needs to sleep in on the weekend and finding a way to make that happen.
The way I deal if strangers stare at my kid or say things is…
Obviously, I don’t like people staring or wondering “what’s wrong” with my son. I usually smile and say hello and try to engage in “normal mom talk,” which often leads to me sharing that my son is on the autism spectrum. On the flip side, I recognize that I stare, too. If I see a child on a playground or out with his parents, and he’s obviously special or reminds me of my son, I stare. I’m not doing it to be rude. I stare because I’m looking for my tribe. Special needs parents provide a sanctuary and a level of understanding that typical parents aren’t always able to.
One great therapy technique I recently learned for my child from his therapist is…
Trying something new and bizarre to get him to pronounce a particular sound. We’ve been trying to bring Tucker closer to being able to imitate the “f” sound. We manually manipulate his bottom lip to help him feel from where the sound originates. He hates it and I’ve been awful at not giving up when he begins to cry. Recently, at the playground, Tucker was lying on the top of the slide upside-down. I took out my phone to snap a photo and it became obvious that he wanted it. I used this opportunity to try and make him say “ph.” It worked and now every night at the playground, he lies on the top of the slide upside-down and pushes his lower lip in and tries to say “ph.” What used to make him cry has become a game for both of us.
One site I’ve found lots of good ideas on is...
We recently used care.com to find a sitter and I really like that I was able to select potential candidates using criteria that includes whether they are willing to work with special needs in the first place. While I found many of the applicants flaky, we have come up with two great ones—one of whom we’ve just begun to use (a huge success for us as it’s the first time we’ve ever felt comfortable enough to use a sitter).
My favorite recent post is...
The Land of Empathy and Wonder. While I like the post on its own, it’s become really important to me over the weeks. The love and support that it received inspired a new blog series called Our Land—where empathy and wonder rule. The idea behind it is to remind the world that it’s possible and necessary for all of us to see beyond differences and quirks and instead appreciate the magic. It’s been utterly inspiring to read and share each unique voice. To date, they include a 19-year old college student with cerebral palsy, a music therapist for a variety of kids with differing-abilities, a special needs mom, and a woman who encourages self-compassion.
I rock because…
Tucker has given me the ability to see. To see everybody. While I continue to register their wheel chairs, their white canes, and their silence, I see them. Seeing each person behind his differing ability has given me a bigger, more diverse and wonderful world. That rocks. And because of it, so do I.
