Say your child has an obsession, as kids sometimes do. Say it's a color, a form of transportation, a food, a car wash. Say it's the movie Cars 2, along with every single last bit of branded merchandise that goes with the movie. Not Cars (the original movie) but the sequel, Cars 2. Only Cars 2. Say you wish to avoid encouraging this obsession. Say you might be weary of said obsession. Say you wish the movie Cars 2 had never been created. Say you sometimes feel that if you have to discuss it one more time, you just might have a Cars 2 breakdown.
Well, my friends, here is exactly what NOT to do.
Do not let Daddy get into the habit of taking your child out to breakfast on Saturday mornings, followed by a jaunt to Target to purchase yet another Cars 2 product.
Do not decorate part of your basement with Cars 2 decals.
Do not crack up when you ask your child what he'd name a new baby, if you had one, and he says "Cars 2!"
Do not let the nice lady at school who sews bibs make ones for him with Cars 2 fabric.
Do not allow your child to turn down gifts from friends and family because the items had the Cars logo, not Cars 2.
Do not try to foster your child's musical side by purchasing Cars 2 instruments.
Do not nod knowingly when he repeatedly shows you that the difference between Lightning McQueen in Cars and Lightning McQueen in Cars 2 has something to do with the tires. WTF?
Do not make plans to visit Cars Land in California, and get into futile arguments with your child when he insists you are going to Cars 2 Land.
Do not fill his underwear drawer with Disney Pixar Cars 2 Briefs that you order in bulk from Kohl's.
Do not let him repeatedly print out images of Cars 2 characters to hang on his wall/door/any blank patch of space, especially because it might cause your other child to screech "MOMMMMY, he is using up ALL MY PRINTER INK!"
Do not let him traipse around clutching a Cars 2 DVD wherever you go—the doctor's office, zoo, restaurant. Although, hmmm, it is nice to see him grasping it so well.
Do not let him go the library where, although you find all these awesome books on cars and trains and trucks, he will spot Cars 2: The Essential Guide and decide that is the only book he wants.
Do not let him go the library where, although you find all these awesome books on cars and trains and trucks, he will spot Cars 2: The Essential Guide and decide that is the only book he wants.
Do not let him repeatedly play the DVD his music therapist made for him of various Cars 2 items, complete with the Cars 2 soundtrack.
Do not allow him to wear Cars 2 pajama tops in public.
Do not smirk when his sister teases him by shouting "MAX HATES CARS 2! MAX HATES CARS 2!"
Do not allow him to wear Cars 2 pajama tops in public.
Do not smirk when his sister teases him by shouting "MAX HATES CARS 2! MAX HATES CARS 2!"
Do not repeatedly take him to Party City and let him buy Cars 2 plates, Cars 2 cups and Cars 2 napkins for his Cars 2 birthday party, especially if 1) It's not happening for another seven months and 2) You are not planning to have 2000 people over.
Do not buy him Cars 2 tissues, either.
Do not buy him Cars 2 tissues, either.
Do not offer to let him type his first Facebook status, knowing full well that he is going to post (wait for it) "Max liks Cars2"
Do not, at bedtime, grudgingly sit down at your computer with him on your lap, type "Cars 2" into the search bar and scroll down page after page of Cars 2 merchandise.
You've been warned. And you've just gotta trust me on this one.
