The following was inspired by the commenters on last week's post who criticized my tendency to ask cooks at restaurants to cut up my son's spaghetti. If nothing else, I think we could all use a distraction right about now.
• As the parent of a child with special needs, I am going to find ways to make life better for my child. And so, I am going to ask the chef to dice spaghetti, with one of his sharp cook's knife, because it will be easier for my son with cerebral palsy to chew it—and easier for him to feed himself. Chefs make accommodations for diners all the time. This is a small one. Sure, I could do this myself at the table. Except...
• I am going to find ways to make life easier for myself, too. And so, I am going to politely ask to have the cook to chop the spaghetti when I'm at a restaurant because it's one less thing to do among the many, many things I do. This does not make me "entitled," as one commenter said. It makes me sane.
• Do not judge me for such requests. Our kids may need adaptive equipment, but as parents we need adaptive strategies. Each of us have our own. Spaghetti served already chopped? Bring it on!
• Spare me the I-am-a-better-parent-than-you attitude. Just because you choose to cut your child's spaghetti and I choose to ask the chef to do it does not make you a superior parent. No, for that you do not win The Nobel Prize for Parenting (although if you ever showed up at my door with a plate of pre-cut spaghetti, I would totally appreciate it).
• Do not assume that you know what my child does or doesn't need. Our children may fall under the umbrellas of "cerebral palsy" or "autism" or "Down Syndrome" or "ADHD" or whatever but each of our kids has unique needs, wants and challenges. Your child with cerebral palsy may not have any trouble picking up a spoon and feeding himself. My child with cerebral palsy has a lot of trouble picking up a spoon, scooping up food and guiding it to his mouth. Finely chopped spaghetti is what my spaghetti-obsessed child needs. And you know what? I'm going to, wait for it, ask the chef to cut the spaghetti.
• Do not assume that I am "lazy," either. If I want to spend most of my time at a restaurant enjoying the kids and/or trying to placate my son (who gets unnerved in public places at times) and/or trotting after my son when he decides that he wants to roam around, instead of spending any amount of time chopping spaghetti, I will.
• Let's lose that "It's the Mom's job" way of thinking. It takes a village. It really, really does. Go Team Spaghetti Sauce Max!
• As parents of kids with special needs, we should be supportive of each other. Like strands of spaghetti, our lives can be slippery and wiggly and hard to control. Let's encourage, not condemn, each other.
• As parents of kids with special needs, we should be supportive of each other. Like strands of spaghetti, our lives can be slippery and wiggly and hard to control. Let's encourage, not condemn, each other.
