• Running out of the house with sopping wet hair in the dead of winter.
• Being forced to repeatedly watch The Wiggles/SpongeBob SquarePants/iCarly/[insert your child's current TV obsession here].
• Also: reading the same book for 372 bedtimes.
• That rare moment when you are lying on the couch, relaxing, and....BOOM! Child jumps onto your ovaries.
• Subsisting on a diet known as Finishing Up What's On The Kids' Plates or its counterpart, Eating Extremely Old Goldfish I've Found In My Purse.
• Parent-teacher conferences.
• When your husband says, "Honey! Did you make any plans for us for the weekend?" and you feel a sudden tightness in your chest.
• Catching every single bug the kids bring home from school, even though they don't get them.
• Raffi.
• An acute and incurable addiction to yoga pants.
• Sleep deprivation that lasts approximately nine years, or more.
• Pushing kids on the swings for what feels like hours. Isn't there an app for that?
• When your flailing, wailing, tantrum-having child accidentally conks you in the head or almost pokes one or both of your eyes out. Sure, you could try calling the malpractice lawyers, but you probably won't have a very good case against your five-year-old.
• Death by whining. Hmmm...might be possible.
• Airplane rides with the kids in tow (though may cause extreme anxiety).
• You tell me!
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